New blog

Follow me in my new "Dear Diary" format blog that takes you inside my thoughts about graduation and growing up. Where will I end up? Only time will tell, and so will my blog.

Hello Adulthood!

Job Hunt Leads to Nowhere

Let me break it down for you, I have used every possible career search engine website available through Google - well up to page 6, then I just gave up, but still no luck. I am worried because I need a part time job during school, but I would like a full time, even career as soon as I graduate. So here is where the problem lies, do I search for an after school job or just forget it about continue my search for a job after graduation??
Internships have been a possibility, yet majority of them are unpaid. That is not a word I like, at all. I am not working for free, nor do I want college credit. I have enough of that thank you very much; and when you really think about it, you have to pay the school to take an internship, so it is if you are paying to work there. I am not paying to work somewhere, that totally changes the meaning of work.
Searching for a career has made me give up hope - one because there are limited amounts of jobs (which those that are offered want candidates with years of experience) and two I am not even sure I know what I want to do with my life anymore. My dream job is not one you can just apply for and get, no you have to start at the bottom and hope some day to work your way up. Also, you can not get hired for that position unless you have experience and no one will hire you to give you the experience. Oh what a tangled web we weave.
Another dilemma, do I stay in So. Cal or move to NY? I mean if I stay in So. Cal I have a place to stay until I can save up enough to live on my own. I would be able to make ends meet and still be able to put money away - however there are more job opportunities in NY. In NY, I'd be going with nothing and probably making nothing, in hopes to make it big one day.
Maybe I'll just stay in school, this is becoming all too complicated.

Niche? What is that?

The fact that I am graduating in less than 5 months, I have been really starting to freak out about the job market. Not only will I be able to find a job, but will I like it? What am I good at? What is it that I really want to do? Talking with Elena and Karen Berge almost every Monday, that was majority of our conversation, where do we go from here? Elena is this great speaker, who is also funny. I believe she should be a comedian or something related to that. I feel like I can see what everyone else is good at, but myself.
I know what I am interested in, but am I really good at it? I love fashion, yet I have to be careful with spending my money, for I do not have the unlimited budget I wish I contained. So how can I write about fashion, without "dressing" the part? Don't you have to be considered an expert to be in that field? and what qualifies you as an expert? I believe I have good taste, but everyone is different.
I love film. Everything about film excites me. Yet, it is the hardest business to get into. It is one of those "you have to know someone who knows someone" kinda business'. I don't think I know somebody who knows somebody, so how do I get in? I feel like I am interested in the most cut throat businesses and I am just setting myself up for disappointment - yet I can not help what I like and what I am interested in.
I do like giving advice and I am not afraid to tell you how it is - yet another profession you must be an "expert" in. I believe my past and experiences make me an expert in certain areas, yet society wants a piece of paper that says you are an expert.
So what am I good at? What sets me apart from the rest of the graduates going out looking for jobs? I believe my niche is that I do not have just one, but that I have a couple where I can really have a career in a field I absolutely love. Now the question is...how do I get there?
Stay tuned to see just where I get and how I got there.

Never say "Die"

The Reconstruction of American Journalism is an article written by The Journalism School at Columbia University that highlights the importance of "accountability" in journalism. The growth of the Internet is bring the need for newspapers down. Most readers would prefer to just click and read the stories of their choosing. Not only does the newspaper have to compete with the news on television, it now has a faster medium to compete with -Internet.

Every news station has a website; along with a website, they have a Facebook page, blog and Twitter, bring news to their readers faster and with less searching. Google has made searching for Headlines and stories effortless - taking the hassle, black fingers and advertisements out of the readers way.

Another topic the article brought up was the decrease in advertisers interest in placing ad's in newspapers; since the economy dropped. Newspapers run off the money brought in by advertisers, so what is the solution to being able to run a newspaper with no funds? Leonard Downey Jr. and Professor Michael Schudson, the writers of the article, are suggesting government funding. Do we see a problem with this?

Yes! If the government then controls the newspaper, they control the voice. The whole point to the newspaper is the "right to free speech" and "right to the press"; if the government funds the newspaper, they control the newspaper. Just imagine election year, when one candidate is preferred over the other - no longer will journalist be able to report both candidates in a non-bias way, yet report the good on one and the bad on the other.

The newspaper may be behind in times, with all this technology that we are now pron to use daily, but a lot of people still enjoy the tradition of a newspaper. Understanding that every business' marketing budget is cut, so they are going to advertise where most viewers will see it; the Internet. However, the newspaper is a classic medium that will not be forgotten nor die anytime soon.

Romans 12:9

"Hate what is evil; cling to what is good."

Even though this is my favorite verse, I am having a really hard time living by it. I tend to give too many "second" chances. Which in reality is chance three, four and five. However, I try to continue to remember that I do not need people in my life who do not make time for me in theirs. Evil can mean many things and pertain to main things; people, alcohol, drugs, sex and my worse enemy, excessive spending. Why do I need some of the stuff I buy? I do not need it, but it is a desire, yet this desire is taking money out of my savings account. Money that I will one day need to pay my rent or put a down payment on a car; yet I choose to blow it on my daily Venti Marble Mocha Mocciato, that just adds lbs.

The good things in life go over looked from time to time. Like my family; I adore them and could not live a day without them and their support, yet I ignore my parents phone calls sometimes just because I am in a bad mood. I should not push the good things further away, I should, like it says, cling to them. I am really good at giving advice, but I can't take it. That is another thing I need to learn to cling too; holding on to my words and supporting them with my actions. Most advice is to get rid of the evil, and cling to the good things going on in your life. I also take my best friend for granted sometimes. She does so much for me, and I let my moods affect how I respond to her sometimes when it is not fair to her. She is the most caring person in the world, and I need to cling to her.

My newest motto, or the verse revised I shall say: "Hate the bad, love the good".

Heated Debate

I don't know what makes me more upset; people who throw away their dreams or people who put down other people's dreams. Maybe i'll take a poll one day and see what the majority of the population thinks, but right now, that is currently the anxiety I am creating for myself.
That is another thing I hate; my anxiety. I literally make myself sick over things that should not or are not a really big issue. However, I take everything so seriously and want perfection out of everything in my life that I put ridiculous amounts of pressure on myself. Why you may ask? Well, if you really want to know it is because I am afriad to fail. I am afriad I will not be able to make something of myself, that I won't be able to support myself or my future family and I am also afriad of my dreams coming true.
Weird?
I agree, but I am terrified I will get everything out of life that I want. Strange phobia to have, I know, but there is something about actually succeeding and living out the dream I have for myself. Maybe it is because once I fulfill my dream, i'll have nothing else to go after. Once I reach my goal, what comes next? Do you just continuely make goals and have dreams only to one day fulfill all your life's desires?
I feel like life is not that perfect. We are suppose to fail and make mistakes and make goals that are unattainable - all so we continue to push ourselves and drive to be the greatest we can possible be. But what good is a dream if it is unattainable? Or no one believes you can accomplish it?
I have been told my whole life that something I want I will never achieve. That is a great way to influence children into doing great things; don't you think. I have always wanted to work in the movies, with literature, music - the entertainment business I shall say, but not everyone can work in show business. And trust me, I am my worse supporter, because I try and try to convince myself to think logically, but I just can't. I am an idealist - I have all these ideas and dreams for my life, yet have no idea how to get there.
I really think my anxiety comes from the fear of becoming an adult. Yes I am 21 years old and am considered an adult, but I am still in college. I can still make stupid decisions because frankly, I am still a kid. But adulthood is 7 months away, and I am not ready for it. I really hate growing up.

Newest Obsession

I have come to realize I really enjoy reading biographies. I read Tori Spelling's book, Go Ask Alice (which was a true diary), I am currently reading Kathy Griffin's book and I believe there are a few more, but thinking is not my strong suit on Sunday afternoons. Reading about their lives and the struggles they went through growing up makes me feel connected to them in some way; as if I can open to a page in their book and find the answer as to deal with certain issues, such as a bad breakup, trying to find a job and pursuing my dream. Their tales are sort of a "How-To" for me. Their struggles make me realize I am not the only person who has dealt with certain life issues. There are other people out in the world who have more to worry about then their boyfriend cheating on them or that they did not win homecoming queen; they have real problems like trying to find ways to support their family. Okay, I am getting off topic, but my main point is, I know I do not have the most dramatic life issues, but it is nice to read that other's have gone through it, and how they made it out.

By reading biographies, I find myself thinking more about the book I want to write. It is non-fiction, but some would call it a biography, because it is about my life. However, just as how I learned and was helped by these people's stories, I hope that my story would help someone, even if it is just one. I know that majority of my problems revolved around boys, but that is life, trying to find yourself and trying to find someone who you want to share your life with. Well, that is what the book is about, trying to find myself, without being defined by guy. I feel there is a time in every girls life where she feels that she will only be complete when some guy loves her, but it is NOT true. You are complete when you truly love YOURSELF. That is what these women have taught me through their stories, and I hope to one day do the same for another.

Summer 09

Being the last summer to act like a child, I believe it was the summer I grew up. Instead of waking up in the late afternoon, lounging around the house watching Lifetime movies, laying by the pool and staying up way too late, I was being a big kid. I was going to bed before 9:00 p.m., woke up by 7:00 a.m. and was at work by 8:30 a.m. I worked from 8:30 a.m. until 5:00 p.m. Why? Because I decided that I needed to grow up, make some money and further my education.

Did I forget to mention I was in summer school? I am not sure you would call if summer school, but I did receive credit for it. I was an intern for Maryann in the Journalism Department. I made videos this summer; videos that could and would be shown to the incoming journalism students. Ranging from "How To" videos to "AP Style Guide" video, so I guess it was more of a hobby I got to do for college credit.

I did go home a few times this summer, but only for a short while. My parents still live in our hometown of Antioch. Yes, that is the place where the kidnapped girl was found; that story put our town on the map, and not in a good way. But back to me going home, the first time I went back home, my mom, sister and I went and say "Wicked". I was so excited because "The Wizard of Oz" is my favorite movie, so I was dying to see the musical. The second time I went home I took my boyfriend with me. I was so nervous, yet excited at the same time. He had met my parents before, but this is my home, the place where I grew up, I did not know what to except.

All in all, my summer was okay. Would I change anything? Maybe that I would have just enjoyed my last summer as a student, but instead I decided that it was time to grow up. I guess that was what I did this summer, grew up.

Sen10r Year

I had my last first day of school on Thursday. I can not believe it is my senior year of college. I will be graduating in 2010, which is only 3.5 months away, which means graduation is only 7.5 months away. Holy Moly, this is it; the final stretch. I can not express how excited and how scared I am to be in my final year of college.
I was sitting in class this past Thursday and Friday, and some teachers have you introduce yourself and your grade. Having to say I was a senior unleashed the butterflies in my stomach. There is no turning back now. My major is picked and almost complete, I have two more classes to complete my minor, and just a few elective classes and I am DONE! But what happens next? What comes after the graduation march?
FINDING A JOB!
The main focus of my school year is to complete my final classes and to apply for jobs. All this semester and next I will be searching for my dream job, or basically a job I can enjoy until my dream job becomes a reality.
Also on the agenda this year, getting a big chunk of "The Best is Yet to Come" complete. It has been in the works for months now, and I think it is time to finally put the pen to the paper and get cracking. Most people ask why write a book? Who wants to read about your life? My response..."Why do you watch "The Hills" or reality tv? Because other people's drama is entertaining; and trust me, my life is anything but drama-free.
So, here we go people. Three years down, one to go.

Coming to an end...

So, this semester is over. It went by so fast, I cannot believe the yearbook is finshed and six issues of the Banner came out; crazy! Working on Hit or Miss was such a great experience. Jill and I had so much fun coming up with a new topic every other week, to basically honor or trash talk. As horrible as it sounds, Jill and I, ever since we have met, have judged the latest trends, the food industries, coffee shops and the student bodies affection towards each other in public. To ask me which article was my favorite is like asking me which pair of my jeans is my favorite, I just can not do it. However, I can tell you the reasons why I love each one seperatly, just like the Hit or Miss Articles. The fashion article gave Jill and I a chance to critique the trends on the runway as well as on campus. I have a huge hatred for crocs, I am so glad I got to voice my opinion about it. The coffee shop review was great; being able to try multiple shops was an adventure and a real eye opener. As an avid Starbucks customer, I thought I could never be convinced to switch, but there are many other shops out there that are just as good. I loved being able to try new places, like Millions of Milkshakes. I would have never gone there if we did not start Hit or Miss.
Also, I really enjoyed writing the three sports articles, I have played sports since I was three, gone to many professional games and continue to watch them on tv. To get the chance to write about them was an honor. As a girl, I tend to get over looked as someone who could report on sports, especially a men's team.
I love writing, I love voicing my opinion, and I love writing about my opinion.

Wizard of Oz

The Wonderful Wizard of Oz was written in 1900, by L. Frank Baum. Being a children’s novel, this literary tale has been republished multiple times, usually titled The Wizard of Oz. This classic tale follows the adventure of a young girl names Dorothy and her dog Toto, into the Land of Oz. After being caught up in a cyclone, her house is dropped in the Land of Oz, on top of the Wicked Witch of the East. In order to return home, Dorothy must travel to the Emerald City to the see the Wizard. While following the yellow brick road, advised to her by the Munchkins in Munchkin Land, Dorothy meets three creatures; the Scarecrow, the Tin Man and the Cowardly Lion. Each wanted to go with Dorothy to ask the Wizard for help. When Dorothy sees the Wizard to ask him for help to get home, he is just a large head. When the Scarecrow sees the Wizard to ask him for a brain, he is a beautiful woman. When the Tin Man asks the Wizard for a heart, he is a beast. Finally, when the Cowardly Lion asks the Wizard for courage, he is a ball of fire. In return for their wishes, the Wizard wants them to kill the Wicked Witch of the West.

This literary tale should be added to the canon list for many reasons; one being it is such a well-known story. It has been rewritten and made into a classic film, that every generation is being enlightened by the tale of Dorothy. Her journey through unfamiliar town, Dorothy takes the adventure head on, not allowing anything to get in her way of getting home.

I believe it is a great story for all young women to read. It is a girl empowering book; especially during the 1900’s, when girls did not have a voice or the chance to be independent. It allows them to feel like they can do whatever they put their mind too.

Still

“Still”

Appearance is what people see when they look at you. They see your eye color, your hair color and how tall you are. You can change your eye color with contacts, you can change your hair color to whatever you desire and you can add a couple of inches to your height with some heels, but you are still the same inside.
People can change their outer appearance as often as they want. Some even like to change their personality to match those of their “friends”. Still, deep down inside, you are you. You are who God made you to be, and that was yourself. You can not change the gifts God has given you, for He gave them to you for a reason; so you are you.
Still, in the depths of yours soul, there is only you. You are still who God intended for you to be. God is Still going to love you, no matter your outer appearance. God is Still going to be your friend, no matter how many times you change your personality. God is Still going to support you, no matter the road you take in life.
God is and Still will be with you, for you are and will always Still be you.

Smack Down.

Perez Hilton is the most opinionated person online. With his blog perezhilton.com, he gossips about celebrities, giving the facts, then stating his opinion. I am an avid reader, and the one story that no one could stop talking about is the Rihanna and Chris Brown smack down. Not only did Perez post the facts, he wrote his opinion, posted the opinion of fellow celebrities and also a statement made by Rihanna's father.

Apparently, Rihanna at this time has decided to reconcile with Chris Brown and her father said if that is her decision, he will stand behind her. After pictures surfaced of Rihanna, her fans stood behind her and Chris Brown's voiced their disappointment in him. Burning his cd's, Chris Brown fans are still awaiting a statement from him and why this abuse happened.

Being a girl, I could never take back a boyfriend who hit me. Granted, I am not the one in that situation, but I still feel like all women would agree. No matter what you say or do to set some guy's temper off, that still does not give him the right to hit you. I have no respect for anyone who resorts to violence instead of words. Weird, we go to school for years and interact with people from the age of four and taught that violence is never the answer. So if we are taught this starting at such a young age, why are people turning their heads the other way when we are older and forgiving such behavior. We would be sent to time out if we pinched the boy who chased us around the swing set, but someone who brutally hurts another is forgiven with just a slap on the wrist? Does this sound right?

I kind of blame Rihanna, not for getting hurt, but for allowing such behavior to be forgiven. She wants to make things work with Chris Brown. Sweetie, I know you got hit, but how hard did he hit you to make you not have common sense anymore? Someone hurts you, you get away from this person. Is that a hard concept to agree with? I know of many instances where girls blame themselves for being hit or bruised by a guy, but it isn't their fault. Stop taking blame for someone else's mistake.

How To...

break up with your best friend.

Recently, I have been faced with the reality that people change. You will not always be "best friends" with the people you were with in high school. Sometimes you are lucky to maintain a relationship with them and other times you are more then fortunate to still be best friends. But what happens when one is not putting enough effort into holding on to the friendship as the other, you must break up. Just like you would not let a boyfriend treat you a certain way, a best friend should not either, so here are 5 steps on how to break up with your best friend.

1. Slowly cut off contact
Unlike a boyfriend, you can not just say "we're over!", you slowly have to stop being available. Example: take a couple days to reply to a call or text message, you have to slowly let this person know they are not on the top of your priority list anymore.

2. Text instead of call
In today's society, it is more common for friends to keep in contact by texting, but best friends always call. When the phone rings, do not answer. Take some time and text back an hour or two later, asking what they wanted. You are not fully ignoring them, but you are still letting them know you have other things to do.

3. Give them the same effort they give you
One of my friends from high school is the most selfish person I have ever met. Harsh? Yes, but very true. She does not call, text or even Facebook (the most impersonal way possible) so I give the same effort, none. You are letting this friend know their actions are going unnoticed.

4. "Forget" to return contact
You might once in awhile get a text or message, but guess what? You do not have to respond. You'll probably get those monthly text that say "I miss you", you do not have to respond. Actually, we urge you not too. If they really missed you, they would try harder to make sure that the only thing they miss is seeing you, because they talk to you so often.

5. Saying the words, "I am done"
No one wants to be the barrier of bad news, but when you are not being treated like a best friend, but more of a convenience to this person, you must say good-bye. There is nothing wrong with going your separate ways, and there is nothing wrong with moving on, you just have to make sure you have said your peace and walk away gracefully. It does not matter how you do this, whether it is over the phone, in person, via text message, Facebook or Myspace, as long as you have made it clear to this friend that you are just two different people now and its time to move on.

90210

My friend Trevor Marsh, yes I am completely putting him on blast right now, but my friend Trevor is on the new 90210. He is the cool kid with the cool backpack who walks past the main characters three times in the same shot (great editing skills on that show, for sure). Anyways, the point of this was, Trevor has decided that the show needs some work and a new twist. He is the new twist the show needs, and I agree, with the addition of myself! Hahaha!

1. Trevor is going to be the new kid, whose dad is the new DA of LA (genius, I know)
2. Trevor is going to have a twin sister, ME! (again, pure genius)
3. We would turn that high school upside down!

Considering we both went to a high school with fights, shooting threats, and a murder (just in one day), we think we could light a match under 90210 and make it the greatness it deserves to be. 90210 owes it to Tori Spelling! (btw, she is coming back on the show, love her)

Also, if this 90210 idea does not work out, we are creating our own teen drama. Welcome to Deer Valley High School, where murder, drug deals, and sex were happening daily on campus. I wish I was making this up, but even I don't have the imagination or creativity to think this up. It happened, sadly, but Trevor and I feel like we should share it with the WORLD!

Testimony

TestimonyMost students at CBU have been going to church since they can remember. Me? The first time I set foot into a church was the day I attended CBU. My parents decided when my sister and I were young that it would be up to us to decide what we believed in. They made sure we were not forced to believe in or go to church when it was not our desire.
I lived a life that I am not proud of to admit to you. I drank, did drugs, and had sex before marriage, all because I did not see the harm in experimentation.It started out with drinking. No harm I thought. Then the drinking led to the discovery of boys and their interest in me. Let’s just say his interest in me was not for my brain. One certain boy led me to my first taste of weed. Instead of saying no, I said why not? The boy played in a band and I thought he was the greatest thing that ever happened to me. In order to keep him as my boyfriend, I did the drinking, the drugs, and the sex all to insure him that I was the one. I believed that I could be the girl he wanted, the party expert.
Unfortunately, that was what I became. That certain boy did not last, but he most defiantly was not.I found my way into many more guys’ arms after. The decisions that were made were not the smartest and the actions I was doing, most certainly were the opposite of what my mother taught me.
I joined the CBU volleyball team the year I came to college. It wasn’t until my sophomore year that I met Yudelka. She changed my life. She had a similar story of rebellion as me. However, the level she got too, I would have been well on my way too if I did not met her. I saw the road I was heading and I wanted to turn around now.
I heard Yudelka’s testimony on a mission’s trip to the Dominican Republic with the volleyball team. There, one night, in a small room above a dining hall, I committed my life to God. In front of my team, hugging Yudelka, and my coach praying over me, I felt the relief to start over. No longer would my past be there to haunt me. No longer was I the party expert. I was Nicole. I was a Christian.