"Hate what is evil; cling to what is good."
Even though this is my favorite verse, I am having a really hard time living by it. I tend to give too many "second" chances. Which in reality is chance three, four and five. However, I try to continue to remember that I do not need people in my life who do not make time for me in theirs. Evil can mean many things and pertain to main things; people, alcohol, drugs, sex and my worse enemy, excessive spending. Why do I need some of the stuff I buy? I do not need it, but it is a desire, yet this desire is taking money out of my savings account. Money that I will one day need to pay my rent or put a down payment on a car; yet I choose to blow it on my daily Venti Marble Mocha Mocciato, that just adds lbs.
The good things in life go over looked from time to time. Like my family; I adore them and could not live a day without them and their support, yet I ignore my parents phone calls sometimes just because I am in a bad mood. I should not push the good things further away, I should, like it says, cling to them. I am really good at giving advice, but I can't take it. That is another thing I need to learn to cling too; holding on to my words and supporting them with my actions. Most advice is to get rid of the evil, and cling to the good things going on in your life. I also take my best friend for granted sometimes. She does so much for me, and I let my moods affect how I respond to her sometimes when it is not fair to her. She is the most caring person in the world, and I need to cling to her.
My newest motto, or the verse revised I shall say: "Hate the bad, love the good".
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Heated Debate
I don't know what makes me more upset; people who throw away their dreams or people who put down other people's dreams. Maybe i'll take a poll one day and see what the majority of the population thinks, but right now, that is currently the anxiety I am creating for myself.
That is another thing I hate; my anxiety. I literally make myself sick over things that should not or are not a really big issue. However, I take everything so seriously and want perfection out of everything in my life that I put ridiculous amounts of pressure on myself. Why you may ask? Well, if you really want to know it is because I am afriad to fail. I am afriad I will not be able to make something of myself, that I won't be able to support myself or my future family and I am also afriad of my dreams coming true.
Weird?
I agree, but I am terrified I will get everything out of life that I want. Strange phobia to have, I know, but there is something about actually succeeding and living out the dream I have for myself. Maybe it is because once I fulfill my dream, i'll have nothing else to go after. Once I reach my goal, what comes next? Do you just continuely make goals and have dreams only to one day fulfill all your life's desires?
I feel like life is not that perfect. We are suppose to fail and make mistakes and make goals that are unattainable - all so we continue to push ourselves and drive to be the greatest we can possible be. But what good is a dream if it is unattainable? Or no one believes you can accomplish it?
I have been told my whole life that something I want I will never achieve. That is a great way to influence children into doing great things; don't you think. I have always wanted to work in the movies, with literature, music - the entertainment business I shall say, but not everyone can work in show business. And trust me, I am my worse supporter, because I try and try to convince myself to think logically, but I just can't. I am an idealist - I have all these ideas and dreams for my life, yet have no idea how to get there.
I really think my anxiety comes from the fear of becoming an adult. Yes I am 21 years old and am considered an adult, but I am still in college. I can still make stupid decisions because frankly, I am still a kid. But adulthood is 7 months away, and I am not ready for it. I really hate growing up.
That is another thing I hate; my anxiety. I literally make myself sick over things that should not or are not a really big issue. However, I take everything so seriously and want perfection out of everything in my life that I put ridiculous amounts of pressure on myself. Why you may ask? Well, if you really want to know it is because I am afriad to fail. I am afriad I will not be able to make something of myself, that I won't be able to support myself or my future family and I am also afriad of my dreams coming true.
Weird?
I agree, but I am terrified I will get everything out of life that I want. Strange phobia to have, I know, but there is something about actually succeeding and living out the dream I have for myself. Maybe it is because once I fulfill my dream, i'll have nothing else to go after. Once I reach my goal, what comes next? Do you just continuely make goals and have dreams only to one day fulfill all your life's desires?
I feel like life is not that perfect. We are suppose to fail and make mistakes and make goals that are unattainable - all so we continue to push ourselves and drive to be the greatest we can possible be. But what good is a dream if it is unattainable? Or no one believes you can accomplish it?
I have been told my whole life that something I want I will never achieve. That is a great way to influence children into doing great things; don't you think. I have always wanted to work in the movies, with literature, music - the entertainment business I shall say, but not everyone can work in show business. And trust me, I am my worse supporter, because I try and try to convince myself to think logically, but I just can't. I am an idealist - I have all these ideas and dreams for my life, yet have no idea how to get there.
I really think my anxiety comes from the fear of becoming an adult. Yes I am 21 years old and am considered an adult, but I am still in college. I can still make stupid decisions because frankly, I am still a kid. But adulthood is 7 months away, and I am not ready for it. I really hate growing up.
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